Bipolar Disorder

[livingwith]

My husband retired from teaching after over 30 yrs. in the classroom. He, little by little, has taken over everything in our home, yet he is a verry messy man who while NOT pick up after himself! and leaves the kitchen in a continuos mess…I have literally BEGGED him to do as you go…to deaf ears.
He has ruined my life and I spend my time in my own room. I am now on antidepressant, med for RLS, etc. Far too late for divorce as m. for over 40 yrs., plus I seem to no longer be able to...Read the full article

[Acintris]

I’m very sorry to hear such news. Things happen and sometimes its too late to recognize it. It’s a serious thing to live with such a mental issue in where to must have to take notice as soon as possible or unexpected things like this shall happen without you knowing it till, again, its too late. Far is it helping by taking doses or drugs in order to “help” you on your hardships. You should’ve taken into account the process of what your husband had, if you did, things would’ve been somewhat avoided or less of damage to your own life. Divorcing is harsher than it seems, speaking mentally of course. It can overwhelm you even though you believe at first that it won’t affect you. Divorcing it almost as running away, must have gotten married for a reason, right? Don’t let it end for trials.
If you, however, knew about his condition then it should’ve never come as a surprise by the happenings. Again, I’m sorry to hear such news.

[Joy22]

"the deep desire many men have to be seen as successful by their wives". Dr. Bob Burbee

It seems as though something has derailed. Did your husband have a very structured day since he taught over thirty years in the classroom? Has he lost his feeling of self worth? Does he feel as though he has lost his purpose in life?

"He has ruined my life" is a pretty big statement to make of him. I'm not sure if anyone wouldn't turn deaf ears to hearing that in someone's voice, it would be pretty hard to digest. Do you think he was ever good for anything, besides teaching for thirty years?

Depression does seem to be in the picture, but the question is "why"? Does he need a hobby or could he help tutor students? Could he use a few positive strokes? Maybe seeing a therapist might be an idea, it could be better than staying stuck and miserable in the situation you "both" are in for the rest of your lives. Do you have adult children? Could they help shed some light on the situation?

Retirement is suppose to be the golden years of your life and you are missing out on this time together
if you can't help him, and yourself, figure out where the problems are with both of you. Looking at oneself is always harder than looking at the other person but it can be the most rewarding route to go.
Would it be possible to consider giving "your marriage of forty years" a chance?

Good luck and, if you find each other again, maybe your 50th Wedding Anniversary will be the best anniversary yet!

The energy you put out in life, positive or negative, always comes back to you.