[marie9]

hi i am wondering if anyone else with ocd suffers from the same worries as i do. i cannot stop thinking that my boyfriend is cheating on me with his ex, who lives right down the street, and who he runs an art gallery with (including others). he claims he has never cheated on any of this girlfriends, and he was with megan for 9 years. she is still in his life but really there is little reason for me to believe that he would be cheating on me with her or doing drugs with her (they used to both be junkies.. actually she still is but he is clean). obv there is a lot of stigma in our relationship with drugs and all, but we just moved in together a few months ago and i feel like everything is mostly fine but i am ruining the relationship by having this irrational fear. he is with me all the time pretty much and says he has no interest in megan. she cheated on him 3 times and he finally broke it off with her 2 years ago. he was her first boyfriend.

i work at a bar 3 nites a week and come home at 2am and every time i come home on those nites i check the floor in the bathroom for hairs that look like hers and sometimes i think i find them... i accuse him of having her over and it is starting to drive him crazy. i also constantly check his bedroom and desk drawers, his closets, his pockets and his phone. i do not want to but i cannot help myself sometimes. i know this is irrational and i want to live my life without having these fears and compulsive behaviors.

i used to see a psychologist and now i have no insurance so i don't really have that option right now. i am also broke and looking for a new job. so there is already a lot of my own personal stress and frustration with my life at the moment. when i live by myself, or am not in a relationship, i don't feel like i have ocd at all. but in a relationship i am so compulsive and obsessive. i don't like checking my boyfriend's stuff and i feel like it is super lame but i feel helpless. i feel compelled.

i used to have fears of killing my mom when i was a teenager and i would avoid knives all the time so i know i have ocd i knew it was irrational but i suffered greatly from the thoughts and the guilt of the thoughts for many years. i also used to worry about being a serial killer, for no real reason.

i have a degree in psychology and music, and consider myself a very intelligent person. however i feel trapped in this horrible negative spiral and need help. does anyone have advice or can relate?

thanks for reading.

[libraca]

I have severe mental obsessions and compulsions as well, however they have been better the past few months. I've been seeing a psych for about 7 months. Are you sure you just aren't upset that she is still in his life? Sometimes I think "what if" my boyfriend has cheated on me, but I know he never would, and I wouldn't accuse him of it. I am not judging you, but maybe you do have a good reason to be a little concerned. Maybe it isn't in your head? I would be a little jealous. And if you are sure it is just your OCD, then you need to stop accusing him of cheating and calm yourself down when your mind begins to race- by asking him if he has had her over you are only reinforcing your obsession, and it won't get better if you continue to do this. Just try as hard as you can to let it go- recognize that it is only an OCD thought. It is up to you whether or not you want to put in the hard work. I read a really good OCD book called, Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty by Jonathan Grayson. It does talk about meds some, but it also has some very good information, stories, and mental homework/exercises in it. And it is very important that your boyfriend feels like you have faith in him. Guys HATE it when you go through their stuff. Good luck!