Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

[Guest]

Can you give a suggestion,

My husband And I were just married 7 months ago. Before we were married his friend Rob who is 40 years old and diagnosed with severe OCD and BiPolar and maybe more mental illnesses was living with him although Rob had his own appartment. Rob stayed with my husband for a year. When we were married we got a house because of my 3 children. Rob hated me for taking his friend away, but I didn't they were still friends and hung out still. Rob refused to go home to his own appartment. Instead he walked all over town, hung out at stores and bars for weeks at a time. When he did go home it was impossible to go into his appartment because he had to spend hous doing checks around his bushes,windows,yard,doors,neighbors yards. Looking for notes,trash,or anything. So he would have to end up sleeping in his van that he wont drive. He cant drive because he would cause an accident looking for trash in the car or in the rode. Most of the time he does not sleep he walks or constantally bothers us. I feel sorry for him, but its so draining helping him with his checks (picking up trash),driving him every where
most of the time my husband drives in circles for him so he is not sweating bullets over trash he thinks he has thrown out the window, which the window is rolled up the wlole time. He wont sleep for days or nights,so he is always tracking us down. My kids like him, but he even drives them crazy. We are the only ones there for him. He has no friends and his whole family because of his OCD and bipolar including his wife who left him, takining the kids from him with out visitations. We even tell him at times we can not help him that day because we need time for our kids. He will not listen, he still walks over and waits on the porch for many hours at times for us to get home. Weve had to cancel many appointments because of him. He demands us giving him a ride somewhere. Most of the time to a fast food resturuant twice a day, because he refuses to go into his appartment to fill his refreg. so he has no food. I offer to let him eat with us but he always says politely my OCD makes me think house food is posioned. He strongly refuses treatment, therapy, most of all medication for his illness. He only takes a shower once a month because it takes 8 hours for him to clean him self over and over. If he takes a shower at his own place he cant leave for days so we have to bring him food and do is daily checks for him . Once he is in his apartment he goes into a very deep depression and wont leave for weeks. Once hes out he is out for weeks sleeping every 5 to 6 days in his van. He wears the same pair of cloths for a month ,than throws them away and buys a new pair cloths just befor he showers. The last time he showered we allowed him to use our shower ,we grossly discovered he had lice.We had to disinfect every thing and treat our children and our selves though none of us had ,but our doc tor suggested we all get treated for it any ways. He has a bad kidney and bleeds at times, so if we try to pull away he starts crying and telling us we are every thing, begging us to help him. What do we do, he is running our life and We don't know how to help him.. Not to mention my son is starting to pick up some of his OCD rituals like worring about death,making ckecks,excessive washing his hands until they bleed. Please help Sincerely Lora , Mike and family

[Guest]

If he refuses treatments and you are providing for him, you are acting as an enabler in the way that families and friends of alcoholics do. You must establish firm boundaries and keep them. If not for yourselves, then think of your children. You can decide to do some things that are kind and compassionate or not. It sounds as if he is holding you under the threat of emotional blackmail. The reason that he may have no one other than yourselves is that he won't go to a mental health center, won't participate in any mental health programs, won't take medication and you are helping this along. I would suggest contacting the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to ask them for further guidance. (www.nami.org)
[quote] Can you give a suggestion,

My husband And I were just married 7 months ago. Before we were married his friend Rob who is 40 years old and diagnosed with severe OCD and BiPolar and maybe more mental illnesses was living with him although Rob had his own appartment... [/quote]