Phobias

[Sydney]

I was on a date with a great guy last night, we had dinner at his and a dvd (it was out 3rd date). then when he wanted to get close to me, the same old thing ruined everything, something i believe called Coitophobia. I'm scared of having sex
I dont even know wheter i should consider myslef as a virgin. in a way, definitely. I'm 22 and I've spent a lot of time in my teenage years wondering what was wrong with me. I've been to parties with guys who were keen but i just always though i didnt like the idea of one nite stands and that i was still too young, not ready. however now i believe there's something more to it. I even thought i was gay. I was with a girl, we were together for a year and we did have sex. I wasnt scared, it felt right, that made me believe that i really was gay. but after a year things stopped feeling rite, i guess i grew up and realised that i WANST gay. and now i tryly believe that i'm not. I'm really interested in guys and now i got to the point where i really want to find one, the one that i will feel secure with. i wanna settle down. but again this damn phobia doesnt let me do it.
Last night, he was great, gentle. We kinda started something and then when he moved down to take off my trousers i said no, thank god he accepted that. I dont know why i said no, i kinda wanted it. I just want to have my first time done and over with, to see what's it like and to hopefully find out there is nothing to be scared of. But i have never had a guy inside me and I'm so damn scared of it. I cant focus, i have a rush of thoughts in my head, i cant possibly relax. Sometimes i think that maybe something happened to me when i was little, thats why i'm so scared of guys now, but i cant remember anything. maybe it's something unconscious. i really wanna get married one day, have a healthy relationship, also a sexual one, but how am i supposed to do it???
Does anyone have an idea what i'm talking about? did anyone have similar experiences? does anyone know how to overcome this damn thing?
please let me know if you do
thanks