Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

[Guest]

I am a 36 year old mother of 3. I was abused as a child, emotionally, sexually and physically by my father and sexually by my brother and babysitter's daugther and son. I left at 18, put myself through two degrees, built a life for myself through hard work and determination not to ever live in the poverty I did as a child. Kids made fun of me for the shack I lived in, the clothes I wore, my lips etc. I have ignored most of this by blocking all of it out for many years. My husband doesn't even know half of it. I was in a very stressful corporate position, excelling and ready to be promoted when I crashed. I was in a training session for 2 days with colleges, went out for dinner and drank red wine. I don't remember anything but know that I behaved very inappropriately (sexually, physically etc.)I was sufering from sleep distrubances and Bulima at the time and was on 80 mg of Celexa. I have been off work since then. I am triggered by things now and feel the fear and panic like I was 5 again. My doctor thinks I am Bipolar because my mother was diagnosed with that several years ago. I feel like I am being misdiagnosed from what I have read on PTSD. I fit everything I have read as far as the symptoms and reactions. I have been seeing a Psycologist for almost a year and she finally talked about trauma after our last EMDR session. I am seeing a Psychiatist next week and then a Mood Disorder Specialist in Sept. My fear is that this dr. has a preconcieved idea from my Dr. about the BP II and may not be familiar with Complex PTSD. Are people with PTSD sometimes misdiagnosed with Biploar? I have never hada manic stage. I have weent thru slight periods of Depression throughout the years but nothing like the last 8 months. I have no concentration, motivation, poor memory (I have never had an excellent memory), night mares about my father, I see things or hear/smell things that remind me of the past and I have panic attacks. I am on 300mg of Efflexor and colasapan 1 mg at bedtime. Any insight....if it is PTSD will I ever return to the functional, witty, intelligent person I once was, I feel like the past has taken over my life, I didn't achknowledge it for so many years. I live in a large beautiful home, have lots of material things that I know don't matter , had a half decent marriage (a good man and father but unable to be there for me emotionally) I disassociate a lot and tend to run and hide from things, I have withdrawn from my family and friends. I am a great actress when I need to be....I was known as the Superwoman who could do it all, entertain, etc and now I seen to be in a dark deep cave. I have thought of killing myself but refuse to give into the demons. Andrea

[EggShell]

Dear Andrea,

Do not give up hope! I have gone through something similar to what you are going through now. After being sexually and emotionally abused as a young child by my father, I left home and built a life for myself. At a certain point in my life, I was flooded with panic attacks, disconcerting flashbacks and eventually, old buried memories. These experiences took over my life to the point that I would have to hide in the ladies room at work until the panic attacks passed. I needed a three month leave of absence from work just to deal full time with these issues. With the help of a good therapist over a number of years and a lot of hard work on my part, I was able to find a new equilibrium. I now rarely suffer from panic attacks or flashbacks. Old memories no longer suddenly intrude into my awareness. I won't say I am perfect - I still suffer from depression on occasion - but I feel like I have my life back. One good thing that is on your side is you already know how to apply hard work and determination to your life. You already have a track record of success. Use those good qualities to find the right therapist for you. Best of luck in your healing process!


I am a 36 year old mother of 3. I was abused as a child, emotionally, sexually and physically by my father and sexually by my brother and babysitter's daugther and son. I left at 18, put myself through two degrees, built a life for myself through hard work and determination not to ever live in the poverty I did as a child. ... Andrea

[britty86]

ANDREA,
IM SO SORRY YOU'VE SUFFERED THROUGH SO MUCH TRAUMA. YOU'VE MADE IT THROUGH THOUGH- DONT GIVE IN NOW. IM A SINGLE FEMALE WHOSE SEEN MORE THERAPISTS THAN I CAN COUNT OR EVEN RECALL THEIR NAMES. THEY DON'T MATTER THOUGH. THE BEST HELP IVE GOTTEN WAS WHEN I SPENT 3 WEEKS IN AN EATING DISORDER PROGRAM AT THE ST. VINCENT HOSPITOL. IT WAS 9AM-6:15PM EVERY WEEKDAY. A STRICT MEALPLAN WORKED OUT WITH A DIETITION AND "CLASSES" FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF MY 'SELF'. I SLOWLY LET DOWN MY UARD, LET THE GROUP IN, AND THE FEAR AND TENSION OUT. I DID HAVE TO RETURN BACK TO WORK TO HOLD MY CURRRENTPOSITION; HOWEVER, THE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN ENLIGHTNING--BUT IM BY NO MEANS CURED. NO PILL, POTION, ACTIVITY, OR POSITION WILL ENABLE ME TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL--ONLY I (AND U) ARE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CHANGE. ITS THE HARDEST, BUT YOU ARE STRONG AND WE CAN DO IT. IT'S WORTH IT. THE PROPER DISCIPLINED DIET, THE SELF-TRUST AND ADVICE (LESS FROM EXTERNAL GRATIFICATION/OPINION), THE HONESTY, THE SENSITIVITY AND FEELING, THE LOVE, THE FEARS, THE TEARS, THE VENTING, THE ACKNOWLEDMENT, THE APPRECIATION...ITS ALL PART OF LIFE. WE'RE HERE WITH YOU TO ENJOY THE RIDE. -BRITT