Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

[missd]

I developed PTSD in the military, suffered extreme panic attacks, constant nightmares, hypervigilance, alcoholism etc for years... I overcame a lot of my fear through faith and managed to live a fairly normal life up until four years ago when I suffered major health problems and was sent to the VA for counseling. They finally diagnosed me with PTSD after all these years, but when the trauma was brought to the surface it started all over again and I'm in worse shape than I was before counseling. Now I am moving into a new house and I am terrified. I'm buying a gun, putting dead bolts on every door...still don't feel safe. I already feel like someone is out to get me. I can't tell if it's just me, or if there is actual serious danger and that maybe my intuition is trying to prevent something horrible from happening to me. I can't sleep at night worrying about this. Is it just my PTSD or is God trying to protect me from something? My internal guage is broken. I can't trust my own instincts anymore because they are all fear based. I don't trust anybody. Is this normal behavior? I have to move in there now because I've signed the lease. I always feel like I am being targeted. Am I ? How can I trust my own emotions, or should I just ignore them.