Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

[orphanedbysociety]

I was in a va mental hospital and am trying to get service connected due to
the verbal abuse I indured for 10 days. The nurses would tell me over and
over that I was causing my anxiety they would say (you are doing it to yourself)
They accused me of trying to raise my BP by becomeing more anxious.
Believe me the last thing I wanted was for my blood pressure to be high.
One nurse did not like the way my hair looked, so she said do you have a comb,
I said yes and she said then why don't you use it so you will look like somebody.
Which made me think I must be a nobody then. She used these words again.
When she was taking my blood pressure one time I had my head leaning on the
door facing and she told me to sit up so I would look like somebody.Again
I was a nobody. One morning I ask a tech to take my BP she said well I might as
well get this one out of my way. Now I was a object, not a person, and needed to
be removed from her way. I was told by another tech ,when I said I would like
to have some of my wifes tea, she said let's don't be thinking about things like
that. I thought she must mean I am never going to get out of here. When I saw
the Dr. I begged her not to let me die up in here, I thought I surley was going
to die, because by the way they had talked to me i thought they hated me and
could care less if I lived or died. Cause I was alot of trouble for them, they did
not like me asking them to take my BP. They were very lazy people.
One night a nurse came in my room to see if I was asleep. I could see her shadow
on the wall as she got pretty close, I wanted to say boo but instead I layed there
and played asleep. About 2 min. after she left my room I had the worst panic attact
of all time. I thought I was having a heart attact and so did they. I got a ekg which
was OK and a pill. But I thought I was at heavens gate there for about 20 min.
I think I have PTSD due all these things that happened to me, and there are many
more. Like a nurse saying you are a pill head now and you always have been,
and that is why your family dosn't want anything to do with you anymore.
Those words made me want to die and I looked for ways to do just that,but
in a mental ward they are very careful to construct all the doors and everything
else to prevent that. But I sure did suffer for the next 7 days because of the
verbal abuse. As I suffer today with reaccuring dreams, and intrusive thoughts
most of the day, I relive part of the abuse at least twice a day. And the sad thing
is these events happened two years and three months ago. But none of the
three theripist I am seeing dosn't think I have PTSD.