Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

[notagain]

I have been doing so well for so long, for some reason my house is full of old faces from the past that i did not expect to ever see again. Went to the VA today for the first time and now it is worse. Doc told me that i should get medicated, All i want to do is live a healthy life without all these faces at night. I try to meditate and stay away from booze, what am i doing wrong. It almost feels like maybe i should just start self medicating. I just dont know

[usmc67]

I am a Vietnam vet of '68. I stayed in the USMC for over thirty years and during they time I never thought about PTSD until I retired in 1997. PSTD got a hold of me so bad because all of the sudden I was retired, educated with an MS, a very qualified administrator and educator, but no body wanted to hire me. I was either to qualified or hadn't been a civilian long enough. Luckily I didn't have the urge to drink or I'd be a drunk now. I was angry for well over a year. I allowed my anger to take control of me of which I fired up at any one for any reason. I want to work and keep busy but people didn't see it that way and I was confused of my past history. There were occasions where I was invited to functions and drunk a little too much, got wordy, violent, and angry at those who couldn't or wouldn't understand my past. I wasn't looking for sympathy. My wife who is a strong and healthy woman would tell me that I needed help, but all I wanted was a job, anything, just a job to keep my mind busy. I've been teaching for over nine years, have been the Chair for the GI Forum, a guest speaker for several agencies and so far I have been OK. However, I still have an anger problem when I am denied, ridiculed, or merely criticized for issues that I knew were wrong but someone else due to politics was right. I hope you understand where I am coming from. Reflections of Vietnam are violent when someone gets me upset. I've learned to take control of my anger, but that trigger is always ready to pull. It's ashame that today people don't know PTSD and don't really care. They call crazy, not sick. Semper Fi